My mom was abusive. tirelessly and selflessly care for a loved one for months and years on end. She knows that and I pity her. The copyright of all poems on this website belong to the individual authors. But now they have gone, each to his life. I raised a child by myself, working two, sometimes three jobs (I took my child with me). I know it will not change your life but please know you are in my thoughts. "Affirmation" by Donald Hall. Too Swift for those who Fear, While the subject matter of this short and sweet poem isnt specifically about caregiving, the poem captures the premise of hope, a feeling that many caregivers need to find and hold onto, especially during tough times. The first lady that commented on here said. You promised me that You would not forsake me when I am old, and You will take care of me. No wonder the moon in the window seems to have driftedout of a love poem that you used to know by heart. Patricia A Fleming, Changing Places By I did and I have no regrets. Confronting this reality is the beginning of a healthy relationship to life, aging and death. My faltering step and shaking hand. Bright sunshiny flowers. " To My Old Age" by Margaret Sidney: Written by an author who was 70 when she wrote it, this poem is a heartfelt tribute to growing old. Are no longer in my life. Those who need to be taken care of for the first time have a hard time accepting that they need help. God gave us tears as a relief. So you've heard the story several times beforePlease listen very closely, oh don't try to ignoreThey were sons & daughters, moms & pops tooTheir care and well being is now trusted to youThey once had full lives, raising families and suchThey worked and fought battles not asking for muchNow that they're older and as hard as they've triedThey can't do the things they once did with prideHelp them be happy, compassion always chooseRemember, all will eventually stand in their shoes. work from Schultz herself, Goro Takano, Hank Lazer, Beatriz Terrazas, Caroline Maun, Dr. Frederick London and Gary Glazner, and many more. Blessed are they who If you have a poem you've written and would like to share, please submit it in my invitation below. They lived with us (off of us) since 2014 and never paid a penny. I have remarried and I have a few special friends who are like family to me. Grandfathers, grandmothers, fathers, and mothers Have I not always been there when they needed me? Here, I am sharing only those poems for which I have permission to post from the authors. The only time I hear from my parents is when "they" want something. My oldest son is pretty antisocial. If it moved you to write it, it may touch someone else's heart too. When old age arrives, we are often unprepared. A gray old woman sits all alone, Maybe there are only a few options available for additional help due to location and affordability. Who's that person standing there The little boy whispered, I wet my pants. Perhaps this is what happened to our parents. I'm praying for us all, that our situations improve greatly with our precious children! Like you, I have been abandoned. He is a special man and I love him to pieces. I'm feeling lost and hurt right now. No longer do I bear the blame. She was not there to give me emotional support but accused me instead and said cruel words which fed into a mild depression. I doubt the two of you have any worthwhile communication. I learned something from it all. I live on welfare and food stamps. In March 2022, I was diagnosed with Renal cancer. Memories! I wish I could let it go. : Hope is the thing with feathers -/ That perches in the soul / And sings the tune without the words /And never stops at all -. I'm terminally ill, and to be quite honest, the neglect hurts. On some of those times it was because her mother-in-law wanted them with her - for 14 years - how hurtful indeed. I too look in the mirror and wonder where all the lines and wrinkles have came Purple veins strain against the skin. Patricia A Fleming, Living With Dementia By May God comfort all of us today and all the days ahead. I am very sad today. Becoming their caretaker later in life can bring up bad memories and uncomfortable feelings. My (our) My son's father died after a very long illness, but he knew and warned me about what was going to happen with the meddling MIL. Today, she hasn't spoken to me in over 8 months because I disagreed with something she wanted to do. They make it a point to stay in touch with us over the months through phones, sms's and social network. Does it occur to you that your husband loves his Mother and is also suffering depression because he knows how much you resent her. Just type!Your submission will appear on a Web page exactly the way you enter it here. Grandfathers, grandmothers, fathers, and mothers I'M STILL HERE Do not lose your patience with me.Do not scold or curse or cry.I cant help the way Im acting.Cant be different though I try. They just don't care, and I have finally had to accept it and move on with my life. You can wrap a word in square brackets to make it appear bold. All my life so far has been around children yet from the start my daughter denied my having a close relationship with my grandchildren. Love you forever xxxxx. know my ways A girl to her husband, a boy to his wife, To my overall wellbeing, I pray my friends are right, but am currently mourning the time I am losing with him until that happensif it happens. If he wants it that way, so be it. I am 63. Maybe I wasn't the best mother, but my love never wavered and never will. However, being a single mother, doing my best and raising two adult boys who are now successful men, husbands , and fathers, I feel a deep sadness. I get depressed and cry about it a lot because I love them so much, but they seem to have forgotten me. I try to figure why my children don't include or want me in their lives, and in the lives of my grandchildren, when exactly did this happen, over time or all of the sudden? Forgetful are they of her who sits here, Click here to upload more images (optional). seem to know I now feel that when other people say that I raised him right I go ahead and say thank you and feel proud for me because I know I was a good mother. God is for us! It is your choice to believe that or not. Remember: you are never alone. But it has never happened, and we've learned not to hold our breath. My heart is just simply broken because I love my sons so much. Kids are still at home. Strangely enough, most of us live under the illusion that we and our loved ones will never become old. You give birth to children raise them nurture them then let them go. In 2010, I lost my mother and a younger brother. Knowing the blessing of a Mother's prayer. I often come home wishing I had not gone. It's not the act of birth that makes you a mother. put aside all needs and wants, plans and prospects. I can relate. This poor old mother who sits alone. Maybe if you would stop telling him how much you resent his Mom, he could deal with the situation better. When I complained about this he went crazy and said I was ungrateful. immediately replace occasional feelings of resentment, with guilt. Now, in my retirement years, a phone call is a rare thing. We went on holiday 4 months ago. I only wish you all had the same. I am that woman! I don't expect anything from them, I just want them to be happy with their life. "Growing Old" by Mathew Arnold. 'cause a lightning bolt had burned a giant hole down through that tree. In I try to figure why my children don't include or want me in their lives, when exactly did this happen, over time or all of the sudden? Since he had been a teenager, he started resenting me in every which way. My faith in God is the only thing that sustains me..Don't look downlook up! Men no longer look after their parents in their old age, and fail to provide for their own children. One's beauty is thought to depend on one's hairstyle. Im loved, respected and not alone. It was the best thing I have done in my whole life and loved every minute. I can relate..there is some solace in knowing I am not alone. So sad. I always respected my residents and my private clients and demanded that everyone else did. Do you have some pictures or graphics to add? My other daughter is a functioning alcoholic who cannot pass her regular bar after work to visit or call. I cannot begin to understand what it is I have done that was so horrible, that he would want to completely disown me like this. He lives with his father now, and because of something or things that I have done, he does not want to have anything to do with me. On holidays I tried working around the manipulationsbut there was always an excuse as to why they couldn't include mebut mostly the attitude was one of indifference. For more poems about aging, consider the following: "In View of the Fact" by A. R. Ammons"Growing Old" by Mathew Arnold"Forgetfulness" by Billy Collins"Age" by Robert Creeley"Terminus" by Ralph Waldo Emerson"An Old Mans Winter Night" by Robert Frost"Affirmation" by Donald Hall"I Look into My Glass" by Thomas Hardy"First Gestures" by Julia Kasdorf"Touch Me" by Stanley Kunitz"Nature" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow"Late Ripeness" by Czeslaw Milosz"Hail and Farewell" by Charles Reznikoff"Tired with All These, For Restful Death I Cry" by William Shakespeare"Like as the Waves Make Toward the Pebbled Shore" by William Shakespeare"Young men dancing, and the old" by Thomas Stanley"Tithonus" by Lord Alfred Tennyson"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas"The Descent" by William Carlos Williams"Lines On Retirement, After Reading Lear" by David Wright"When You Are Old" by William Butler Yeats"Sailing to Byzantium" by William Butler Yeats"Written In a Carefree Mood" by Lu Yu 1. I just love your poems - keep writing. You walk into a room then think - Now why'd I come in here? While helping your aging parents at home, it is trivial to consider housing issues. It's great that your kids stay in touch but it's not as easy as you say in your comment at the end. By loving one another, we invest in each other and in ourselves. Is that the reason they prefer their in-laws, because they are wealthier than their own parents? Sheri McGregor. The hard part is keeping it to myself. Blessed are they who Restful sleep has proved elusive. Wasn't I a good mother? Youve told that story twice today.. I taught my children to be kind, caring, compassionate, to help others always. Everybody says give him time, but he, too, was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It has seen its share of memories and pain, Poignant posts. Time management and organizational skills to avoid becoming a 24/7 caregiver. It will make it much easier for a family to assist, if/when it becomes essential. Wasn't I a good mother? Not at your house for sure. Trust that you are loved by the sisterhood that we share. Amen. That I now must be selective I love all of you moms and wish you a Happy Mother's Day! Some of us have done all that yet we have been totally cast aside. At least my husband and I will go to our graves knowing we never inflicted this type of emotional pain on our own parents. Your first and most important step is to assess how much care an elderly parent needs. I raised three boys by myself. It's so sad that mothers are feeling this way. Blessed are they who Perhaps, I never instilled that value into my children. It seems like rich parents get the attention and the visits and humble ones are cast away. My father made the comment that he felt my child had outgrown us and we did not measure up. Click the button and find the first one on your computer. Stories 5. And bring back memories of yesterdays. Maybe we are one of the few lucky ones to have got loving children and our son in law has taken the place of a son in our lives. Prior to becoming a caregiver for your parent, it's important for you both to talk through your boundaries and expectations for how this relationship will work. At his prime as an exporter, his secretary fell for him. I was not a perfect mother, but I always thought that my sons would know how much I loved them and that we'd always have a good relationship. She may not be able to return your love and value you in the way that you need at present - so perhaps you should seek out new friends or other family members to fill this need to love and be loved.. God Bless. It's not easy being old, aging isn't fair. OMG I have been taking care of my grandmother for 13 years. I have friends that I associate with but my joy is being with the children and grandchildren. If I point out a color or anything and say it's pretty, she automatically hates it. Let's leave the judging to God. I miss them so very much!! Reading this poem was very heartfelt and personal. The collection offers a perspective of embracing feelings of loneliness and solitudeas they are completely natural and human. The dynamic of age in America has shifted dramatically over the last 60 to 80 years, experts agree, and its impact on the family is clear. I have 3 living children (one deceased). poems and stories that help heal and offer catharsis through good times and bad. Dementia Poem for Caregivers. The phone rings, I answer, and wait for the request. I raised my daughter from the age of 3 on my own. x. My children forget I need them. Many people have assured me that in time he will "come around". Kids are great, polite, and respectful to others and have good morals. It opened my eyes to a whole new world. For striving for things in a life so brief (You can preview and edit on the next page). I think it is unfair to say that as a parent we want "payback" or that our attitudes must change. Brown spots from years that she can't erase. You have no idea how bad loneliness can be. I have another son out of state, too far to visit, and my one son who lives close is always with his girlfriend on holidays. As A wise Native American once said, Help us build the most popular collection of contemporary poetry on the internet! Caring for an aging parent alone is complicated. Thank you. . I see the sadness in your eyes, I too have been a devoted single mother. My soul can still feel sympathy. Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it? It makes me feel so small. All these posts make me very sad. I stay in my room all the time just to keep from feeling the way they make me feel. Great! The daily work can drag me down and cause me to lose sight of the honor You have given me. Alora M. Knight, Poem About When A Loved One Has Alzheimer's. I felt so overwhelmed with sadness this morning, that I used my phone to search for help and comfort, and I found it here. You somehow sustain injuries while sleeping in your bed. Published by Family Friend Poems August 2015 with permission of the Author. Now this favorite spot of Daddy's was as unique as it could be, Let us visit again , Someone's caregiver ! ~ beegee. Gift them a beautiful array of bright flowers such as sunflowers to help brighten any room they're in and give them something to smile about. They are much too busy with fancy phones and Facebook to give you the time of day. We strive to remain accessible to "real people, real life" while also providing a resource to students, teachers and all those who love popular poetry. No Mother's Day card, no birthday card, no phone call. I just want to craw into a deep hole and cover up. I wish there was a support group for forgotten mothers because there are so many of us. Of the mostly forgotten many Now, as adult children, we find ourselves doing the same for them. All our grandchildren grew up and moved on without us. I think you will be surprised by how many there are out there. How sad for me. I feel so lonely, so very sad and can completely identify with Terri from Va. OMG, I am that woman, my son has totally forgotten me and I live with my daughter that wishes she could. We borrow it from our children!" This poem by Kate Delany, a college English professor, writer, and community activist, was actually first featured on Caregiving Advice, and can still be read, . I'm not even acknowledged with a card for birthdays or any other occasions. Blind their poor eyes to a dear Mother's grief. How to make meaningful connections while caregiving, Meet Bridgetown Music Therapy: Making a difference through the power of music. I will, sadly, accept that I am not a choice. I am a breast cancer survivor and had to quit working and retired. Thus, I have steeled myself and taught me to be satisfied with my own company, hoping that God takes me out before I need to have someone help me in any infirmity. It is difficult to advocate for an aging parent if you don't have the authority to do so. Lack of it is not conducive I changed. It has been hard to watch my mother and grandmother realize that all that they have done for our family has gone unappreciated. I wish we could hook up older women who are alone that would love to share a home as roommates- like the TV show Golden Girls! Be wary of taking on too much responsibility too early on. The twelfth-century Chinese poet, Lu Yu, offers this portrait of the old man in his poem "Written in a Carefree Mood": Old man pushing seventy, In truth he acts like a little boy, Whooping with delight when he spies some mountain fruits, Laughing with joy, tagging after village mummers; With the others having fun stacking tiles to make a pagoda, Standing alone staring at his image in the jardinire pool. My husband and I took them into our lives in 2005 since their mentally ill mom, who is my oldest daughter, couldn't care for them. You inspire me to keep writing myself. I pray that our children and their children will be more cohesive. Housing Issues. keeping perfect time with a tick and a tock. I don't consider bringing up my children a sacrifice. He is missing out. In 2011, I lost my husband. I don't even question whether I was a good mom to them. I at 50 found myself unemployed for 4 years and my daughter was too mixed up in her life as my energy was running thin. I prayed so hard I would get one little card, but all I got was junk mailI cried so much today. He can bring you much joy and a wondrous hope for the future and millions of new friends from all over the world. I am one of the lucky ones. This is a fast-track way to become overwhelmed and you may quickly lose sight of the bigger picture or begin to overlook your own health. I tend to blame myself now and then as I was somewhat permissive. I understand and relate to what you are saying. Sometimes we find ourselves in the position of caring for parents who were neglectful or even abusive to us. And of course, who cannot give them any money. Advocacy and determination to stand up for the care of elderly parents when others say, "it isn't possible.". A worker barges in my room, As if it's no big deal. by The Poetry Foundation, youll find work by many notable writers such as Anne Carson, Edgar Allen Poe, and William Wordsworth (just to name a few). STOP! And a wise woman with Native American blood running through her veins said, "You can always know a child of God by the compassion they have for others." Healing. I love them so much and have poured my life and my love into them. Prayer to be His Instrument of Care. What would make a difference? William Butler Yeatss "When You Are Old" depicts old age with regret: When you are old and gray and full of sleep,And nodding by the fire, take down this book, And slowly read, and dream of the soft lookYour eyes had once, and of their shadows deep; Mathew Arnolds "Growing Old" also provides a morose portrait of old age: It is to spend long days And not once feel that we were ever young. Parents just want to be acknowledged. I was there for everythingI tried to make holidays special, birthdays, and everyday things. I stumbled across this page while looking for a witty poem for my parents. And I had just began to grow, I for one get lonely for a time when children included their parents in events and in holidays and made every effort to be there. Struggled hard but got it together. Now it's as if I am totally forgotten. "We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, Like a sack left on the shelf, Like I'm not a REAL Mother. Share it!Your contribution may help someone dealing with aging issues. The isolation is worse than death, so don't let it make you bitter. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable. by Kelle Cunningham I hope you will enjoy the poems aboutelder care I've selected to share with you. My Top 20 Most Inspirational Poems For The Elderly. The young help to care for the old. I called them last week to tell them I loved them (on cell phones that never get answered) and of the five, I heard back from ONE. I no longer feel totally alone or full of bewildering guilt. When did we teach them to ignore us when they grow up and no longer need us? Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. "Who is Shel She's trapped inside the prison walls It begins the moment we are born. Our son died about a year ago from military disability. As a mother who knows the pain of an adult child's rejection, I formed an online community and wrote a book to help parents abandoned by adult children: Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children. I raised them and sacrificed for them all of their lives.They used to include me in a lot of things, but I hardly ever hear from them now unless they need something. Billy Collins suggests the losses of old age through one of its seemingly benign symptoms--forgetfulness: as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbordecided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain No wonder you rise in the middle of the nightto look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war. That falls upon the earth? Mine have shattered my heart in so many pieces that there's not enough time (I have end stage COPD) or glue to ever mend it. I know it's so depressing watching this unfold I just don't know what to do. Taking care of an elderly parent. Generation after generation it gets passed on. I was there for her each and every time she needed help. Mothers who raised their children alone and are now outsiders. Let us visit again , Living TreasuresLiving Treasures "There is definitely a changing age structure within . I don't even want to get on my Facebook page anymore because I see how the other mothers are so loved by their children. No one can hurt me more than my sons. For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. I know in my personal life I do all the calling and visiting (always have). Do not ask me to remember.Dont try to make me understand.Let me rest and know youre with me.Kiss my cheek and hold my hand. Said the little old man, I do that too. Some poems are written by the elderly themselves while others are written by caregivers, whether family or professional. Blessings to all the forgotten mothers out there. "Even when we are young, we glimpse it sometimes, and nod our heads when a grandfather dies," writes Donald Hall in his poem "Affirmation." Maybe someone could start something like a dating site, except it finds matches for older women who want roommates. I am not included, and always made to feel like I have done them a horrible wrong in some way. One hasn't seen her in 7 years. After losing my husband and his income, I lost my home and had to move in with my daughter and son-in-law for 4 months. 1. What ever happened to courtesy? It's the years of caring for your child! Get caregiver support and information to help you find senior living options in your area. The grandparents, though financially struggling, took everything they had in bad health to travel and visit, but they were just shunned. Tears fell as I read this poem. So we slow down. There is some solace in shared suffering and I extend heartfelt sympathies to all the mothers who live with the daily heartache of either estrangement from a child or minimal conflicted contact. Even more so when they seem to be so close to their in-laws. This is all too familiar to me. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, in his poem "Nature," compares the old to a child who must "leave his broken playthings on the floor" and go to bed: So Nature deals with us, and takes awayOur playthings one by one, and by the handLeads us to rest so gently, that we goScarce knowing if we wish to go or stay, Being too full of sleep to understandHow far the unknown transcends the what we know. My life is her until she dies. Family tensions can take a toll on older or elderly parents. image off of the internet and sending it in an email. A lady a long time ago said to me, "Oh, no. Let their children be better people. Is money the common thread in the stories of people who have been abandoned by their adult children? WOWand I thought my children were the only ones who had forgotten how much I sacrificed and how hard I worked just to get by. How to Prepare for Long-Distance Caregiving. It is hard not to feel like a failure when you're alone--again. It really hurts because I have always been there through thick and thin for my 3 kids, and it breaks my heart that they don't act like they even care, but I will always love them. Taking care of elderly parents is a season many of us will walk through. I am sitting here wondering where I went wrong with my children. Thank you again. If I get a response in text it is short and never includes an invitation. In fact, I would argue that ladies like you are more motherly than many other women because you chose to raise a child who needed a mother. You can't fix that. Become involved in your parent's healthcare. For years, while I was trying to get pregnant, it seemed I was a failure when this day rolled around. Nor does their neglect to her seem unkind. That would make a big difference. I was not perfect mother but Did my best xx. I am their only living parent and did my best, but I feel like they are punishing me for not being good enough :(. We hope you find inspiration and peace in these words I only see my grandchildren at Christmas, and my great grandchildren don't even know who I am, it breaks my heart. In a dusty, dark corner of a very old house, Published by Family Friend Poems August 2018 with permission of the Author. There are many poemsabout elder care and/or the elderly. Understanding why parents may be "insisting, resisting, or persisting in their ways or opinions," the study reads, can lead to better communication. It's been going on for so long. I know one works so the moms he works with can have the day off, and the other who went camping, thoughtfully took her friend's mom a plant. Have I not always been there when they needed me? Rare is the poet who lives to old age but does not write about it. I figure I am done trying.